WON 11-6
Matt, Leo, Steve1, Alan2, Mike3, Gareth5
vs Some Cowards Who Didn't Turn Up
WON 10-0 by default
Matt, Leo, Steve, Alan, Mike, Gareth
I had hoped to write this report as a double-header as the same Molly line-up locked horns with two sets of opposition. Alas, this wasn’t the case, and so to spare myself the agony of draining out the stagnant memories of games gone by, I present the following out of date and abridged reports.
Vs Athletico Becks
We’re almost there. He just has to prove his fitness. Just has to show good during his trial. Secure that loan move to Birmingham. And Nigel Quashie will fall from the neck of West Ham like a dead albatross. Never mind the gaining of manager Zola, or the loss of sponsor XL, this is the best news all fortnight.
The world didn’t end on Wednesday in Geneva. The world didn’t end on Wednesday in Zagreb. Which is just as well, given that the Mollys are finally showing signs of footballing recovery. It is indeed a good life-affirming night when we could give away so many opportunities and still win against Athletico Becks by a solid margin.
The return of Mike to the attack was a major boost, and provided the right wing width, to Alan’s left. Steve would provide the central thrust, leaving Leo to guard the defence, whilst Gareth went where the action was. It was a dynamic, yet structured, flexible, yet disciplined formation, which played to individual strengths.
Matt had spent the pre-match build-up padding up his fingers with sofa stuffing and sellotape, but the only thing he really needed to fear were penalty shots getting drilled at him at regular intervals during the match.
With tactics correct to begin with, and playing from the end closest to the door, so that Gareth avoided having to run through the ref against the wall, Becks provided such an insignificant challenge to us, that we felt it necessary to shoot ourselves in the foot, shoot ourselves through the head, and burn down our country mansion.
With their primary striker firmly in Leo’s back pocket with his loose change and ipod, and the Molly wingers displaying such boundless displays of energised running, the opposition found us impossible to contain, and impervious to damage. With Steve slicing through the opposition with a trademark through ball to set up Alan, and Gareth mimicking Robinho-like power dribbles across the outfield, this game was simply about four penalties.
The first went in our favour, as their keeper handled the ball sliding beyond the line, and was routinely dispatched by Gareth. The next three were cheap value own brand giveaways that were avoidable but forgivable, when spooned onto a plate next to our attacking truffles.
Alan gave away the first, when completely in the clear and under no pressure whatsoever he impatiently taps the ball back to Matt whilst still in the area, in such blatant language that even the Polish ref could understand. The second giveaway was by Steve, in a manoeuvre that is now being referred to as “the pass back to Leo”, as a throw out to Steve from Matt, didn’t get the forward thrust needed, headed back towards our goal, dissecting where Leo was, and apparently needed to be, for a second penalty to be conceded, but thankfully not the goal itself, as Matt showed great Grobbelars to force the shot onto the bar. The third penalty came from Alan, from the other wing in another ‘pass back to Leo’, who could’ve sworn he was in the same place he’d been for 90% of the match – on the top of the D – and the resulting shot went to Matt’s right.
Even with these minor indiscretions, the Mollys were comfortable winners, and that’s about it.
Inter-Molly Match
So with the opposition failing to turn up for tonight’s match, we didn’t concede any penalties, won by 10-0, and dusted off the bi-annual Inter-Mollys trophy. The line-up was The Young Braves (Matt, Leo and Gareth, with rush keeper) vs The Old Codgers (Don, Steve, Mike, Alan). What did we learn from this heated, excessively sweaty no holds barred friendly? What fears did we experience that our opposition get to fear every week?
Vs Athletico Becks
We’re almost there. He just has to prove his fitness. Just has to show good during his trial. Secure that loan move to Birmingham. And Nigel Quashie will fall from the neck of West Ham like a dead albatross. Never mind the gaining of manager Zola, or the loss of sponsor XL, this is the best news all fortnight.
The world didn’t end on Wednesday in Geneva. The world didn’t end on Wednesday in Zagreb. Which is just as well, given that the Mollys are finally showing signs of footballing recovery. It is indeed a good life-affirming night when we could give away so many opportunities and still win against Athletico Becks by a solid margin.
The return of Mike to the attack was a major boost, and provided the right wing width, to Alan’s left. Steve would provide the central thrust, leaving Leo to guard the defence, whilst Gareth went where the action was. It was a dynamic, yet structured, flexible, yet disciplined formation, which played to individual strengths.
Matt had spent the pre-match build-up padding up his fingers with sofa stuffing and sellotape, but the only thing he really needed to fear were penalty shots getting drilled at him at regular intervals during the match.
With tactics correct to begin with, and playing from the end closest to the door, so that Gareth avoided having to run through the ref against the wall, Becks provided such an insignificant challenge to us, that we felt it necessary to shoot ourselves in the foot, shoot ourselves through the head, and burn down our country mansion.
With their primary striker firmly in Leo’s back pocket with his loose change and ipod, and the Molly wingers displaying such boundless displays of energised running, the opposition found us impossible to contain, and impervious to damage. With Steve slicing through the opposition with a trademark through ball to set up Alan, and Gareth mimicking Robinho-like power dribbles across the outfield, this game was simply about four penalties.
The first went in our favour, as their keeper handled the ball sliding beyond the line, and was routinely dispatched by Gareth. The next three were cheap value own brand giveaways that were avoidable but forgivable, when spooned onto a plate next to our attacking truffles.
Alan gave away the first, when completely in the clear and under no pressure whatsoever he impatiently taps the ball back to Matt whilst still in the area, in such blatant language that even the Polish ref could understand. The second giveaway was by Steve, in a manoeuvre that is now being referred to as “the pass back to Leo”, as a throw out to Steve from Matt, didn’t get the forward thrust needed, headed back towards our goal, dissecting where Leo was, and apparently needed to be, for a second penalty to be conceded, but thankfully not the goal itself, as Matt showed great Grobbelars to force the shot onto the bar. The third penalty came from Alan, from the other wing in another ‘pass back to Leo’, who could’ve sworn he was in the same place he’d been for 90% of the match – on the top of the D – and the resulting shot went to Matt’s right.
Even with these minor indiscretions, the Mollys were comfortable winners, and that’s about it.
Inter-Molly Match
So with the opposition failing to turn up for tonight’s match, we didn’t concede any penalties, won by 10-0, and dusted off the bi-annual Inter-Mollys trophy. The line-up was The Young Braves (Matt, Leo and Gareth, with rush keeper) vs The Old Codgers (Don, Steve, Mike, Alan). What did we learn from this heated, excessively sweaty no holds barred friendly? What fears did we experience that our opposition get to fear every week?
-Leo can hit a football into the air and over the fencing at the same angle as NASA rockets launch
-Don can walk around the outside of Goals to retrieve said shot with the same speed of a hike along the Great Wall
-Having Mike run at you is like a Redwood coming crashing down on you
-Matt’s fitness has improved, his shot accuracy has not
-Don looked swoonsome in his silky wife-beater shirt
-Steve really does clip opposition’s heels, and then protests his innocence (my heel will testify if required)
-The Old Codgers aren’t as gung-ho ruthless in their shooting as the Young Braves
-Don was clearly using the match as a warm-up practise for possible revenge taking against Testwood FC the following week
-Leo scored a smarmy back-heel when surrounded by Last of The Summer Wine
The shouts of ‘next goal wins’ were called, as the next teams waited to come onto the pitch, and it elicited flashbacks of desperately trying to pot the black, as the 50 pence pieces piled up on the table, but finally Mike slashed a stinging shout into the bottom left to win the cup for the oldies in what had been a very even match, but a worthwhile use in short succinct passing, and an exercise in stamina running.
Molly Xmas Do
The poll results so far for choice of The Molly Maguires Christmas Do are as follows:
Matt: Pre-‘going away to Florida for Xmas’ Holiday Curry
Steve: Karaoke
Dean: Curry for free, and after-dinner speech
Alan: Curry with chips
Robbie: All You Can Eat Curry
Gareth: An evening with his heroes
Get your votes in, or don’t - I’ll have a drink on you.
No comments:
Post a Comment