MATCH 4 vs. Hank & Clive 30/5/07 19:00
Drew 9-9
1.Matt (c) 4.Steve 5.Leo 8.Jon 9.Gareth 10.Nathan 14.Nobby
“I’m a fire, and I burn, burn, burn tonight”
Jeez, I must have drifted off. How long was I asleep for? Is the cup final still on?
It feels like fourever since I last played football four the Molly Maguires. Quite fourtuitous really that I didn’t play in that last outing. Can hardly be held accountable four that particular fourgone conclusion. And while the undeserved promotion to League One controversy continues, those of us players, whom isn’t a cry-baby, nor whom now dote on a crying baby, will just have to pull their socks up and get on with the fight.
As time swills around my feet like sloping out at a slaughterhouse, questions before the start of the day fluttered around in my cranium. By the end of the day, those questions would be answered. When would the man they call Nobby, and his mono-coloured fleece, return to the squad? Who on earth is Michael Bradshaw? Do I still give a damn about Big Brother? By how much is Scott Parker not worth £8.5M of West Ham’s blood money?
And so to everyone’s favourite part of the proceedings - the gaffa’s bizarre and ludicrous team selection process that’s worthy of a report; blog; website; information super highway, all of it’s own. With Matt’s short term memory so failing to retain any information about Robbie’s fatherhood, that the Turk is expected to literally leave his missus holding the baby, and then making travel arrangements with his replacement and Jon, that would make a taxi driver suffer a guilt trip. And shit, there was even a call-up for David Beckham too.
Once again, the Mollys chalked up another 9-9 draw – the fourth in the last ten effective matches. But this was a tale of two keepers, a thousand shots on target, and a half time team talk of brutal truth. The ref would’ve needed a scoreboard to keep goal track had either keeper been less than their best. This all begs the question: scoreboards at football grounds - why? The clock’s purpose I can understand, but a scoreboard persistently and continuously reminding you of the two teams you’ve paid money to watch, and of a score that’s hardly going to be ramping up into double figures that you’re going to lose count? Oh wait, I get it – for people like eh, whatshisname…….. Matt.
Wow, it’s just as well I don’t get paid for this shit, or have deadlines to meet, because I’m seriously failing in my journalistic responsibility to convey to you the events of Molly Maguires football matches. I’m gonna have to stop writing half a report, and hoping I get inspired to finish it… so here come some random factual bullet points instead.
-Echoing the England team’s fortunes, the Mollys were buoyed by the return of the legendary Nobby, leaner and with flowing Robbie Savage locks; the quintessential water-carrier slipped back into the side as if never away.
-The opposition, Hank & Clive, were deceptive in name, and unfortunately not a couple of gay, motorcycle-riding, piano-playing chefs.
-With a strong defence, and even stronger attacking frontline, this looked a formidable Mollys side on paper. But until the personnel got their tactics right in the second half, we were actually decimated 5-1 in the first half.
-One goal to show for the first half, barely explains away the number of great chances that the Molly front men conjured up, shots on target were overwhelming, but the opposition’s keeper was absolutely superb in blocking Gareth’s and Nathan’s efforts. It’s worrying for any Molly fan, when the opposition pay loud sideline tributes to Matt’s efforts in goal, in reality thinly veiled self-congratulatory big-ups for their own attacking skills, and Jon attempts to counter the argument with his own praise for Hank & Clive’s keeper.
-Hell, why pass the ball to a better available Molly player, when you can hit it straight at the keeper? Early on, their keeper must’ve sussed that once our strikers had the ball, their overriding instinct to shoot, leaving him with no surprises.
-Steve was high. On crack. PCP. Viagra. Whatever stimulated him to run around the pitch like an infected Rage victim, crashing into people, and giving away needless free-kicks in awkward places.
-The half-time team talk, was a huge telling off for our superstar glory-hunting forward line, as Jon told them to pass the ball to the better placed player (even if that was Nobby) and to stop complaining about being the last defender. And Steve, with tactical genius, suggested a flat back two to counter an opposition that knew not how to hold their positions properly when with the ball.
-And fuck, did all of that shit work. With Leo realising he couldn’t operate alongside Steve in defence, and only coming on in his place instead, the flat back two – zonal marking the left and right, whether Jon and Steve, or Leo and Nobby – managed to keep the opposition attackers quiet long enough for the front men to finally find the space around their keeper.
-With counter-attacking their high line, and winning more tackles and blocks, the Mollys finally managed to play to their strengths, quick but accurate passing out of the middle of the pitch into crucial danger areas, where better composure saw Nathan, Gareth, and Jon all post terrific goals to drag the team 5 consecutive goals back onto level terms.
-Matt was still having a phenomenal game, still having to work hard, but easily chalking up his best performance in ages.
-Even when the opposition pushed further away to 9-6, the Mollys again found another second wind, to claw their way back, with Jon scoring the now obligatory behind the half-way line pot-shot. Always amazing how an equalized 9-9 draw is better than a conceded one.
-And so the Mollys gifted Hank & Clive their only point of the season so far, but came away from the match reasonably satisfied that when we get it right, we can be devastating. But do we need a full twenty minutes to work out our mistakes?
-And so to the answers. 1) Today, with a brilliant vengeance that almost made up for the passing away of that beautiful beige fur. 2) Some bloke who can’t play for the team due to child-care commitments – damn Matt, why haven’t you announced him in a squad yet – he seems ideal for your selection policy. 3) Women aren’t gonna get naked if there aren’t any blokes to impress. 4) That’s just not funny.
Goal Scorers: Gareth 2, Jon 3, Nathan 3, Leo 1
Match Ratings: Matt 8, Steve 7, Leo 7, Jon 8, Gareth 8, Nathan 8, Nobby 8
Drew 9-9
1.Matt (c) 4.Steve 5.Leo 8.Jon 9.Gareth 10.Nathan 14.Nobby
“I’m a fire, and I burn, burn, burn tonight”
It feels like fourever since I last played football four the Molly Maguires. Quite fourtuitous really that I didn’t play in that last outing. Can hardly be held accountable four that particular fourgone conclusion. And while the undeserved promotion to League One controversy continues, those of us players, whom isn’t a cry-baby, nor whom now dote on a crying baby, will just have to pull their socks up and get on with the fight.
As time swills around my feet like sloping out at a slaughterhouse, questions before the start of the day fluttered around in my cranium. By the end of the day, those questions would be answered. When would the man they call Nobby, and his mono-coloured fleece, return to the squad? Who on earth is Michael Bradshaw? Do I still give a damn about Big Brother? By how much is Scott Parker not worth £8.5M of West Ham’s blood money?
And so to everyone’s favourite part of the proceedings - the gaffa’s bizarre and ludicrous team selection process that’s worthy of a report; blog; website; information super highway, all of it’s own. With Matt’s short term memory so failing to retain any information about Robbie’s fatherhood, that the Turk is expected to literally leave his missus holding the baby, and then making travel arrangements with his replacement and Jon, that would make a taxi driver suffer a guilt trip. And shit, there was even a call-up for David Beckham too.
Once again, the Mollys chalked up another 9-9 draw – the fourth in the last ten effective matches. But this was a tale of two keepers, a thousand shots on target, and a half time team talk of brutal truth. The ref would’ve needed a scoreboard to keep goal track had either keeper been less than their best. This all begs the question: scoreboards at football grounds - why? The clock’s purpose I can understand, but a scoreboard persistently and continuously reminding you of the two teams you’ve paid money to watch, and of a score that’s hardly going to be ramping up into double figures that you’re going to lose count? Oh wait, I get it – for people like eh, whatshisname…….. Matt.
Wow, it’s just as well I don’t get paid for this shit, or have deadlines to meet, because I’m seriously failing in my journalistic responsibility to convey to you the events of Molly Maguires football matches. I’m gonna have to stop writing half a report, and hoping I get inspired to finish it… so here come some random factual bullet points instead.
-Echoing the England team’s fortunes, the Mollys were buoyed by the return of the legendary Nobby, leaner and with flowing Robbie Savage locks; the quintessential water-carrier slipped back into the side as if never away.
-The opposition, Hank & Clive, were deceptive in name, and unfortunately not a couple of gay, motorcycle-riding, piano-playing chefs.
-With a strong defence, and even stronger attacking frontline, this looked a formidable Mollys side on paper. But until the personnel got their tactics right in the second half, we were actually decimated 5-1 in the first half.
-One goal to show for the first half, barely explains away the number of great chances that the Molly front men conjured up, shots on target were overwhelming, but the opposition’s keeper was absolutely superb in blocking Gareth’s and Nathan’s efforts. It’s worrying for any Molly fan, when the opposition pay loud sideline tributes to Matt’s efforts in goal, in reality thinly veiled self-congratulatory big-ups for their own attacking skills, and Jon attempts to counter the argument with his own praise for Hank & Clive’s keeper.
-Hell, why pass the ball to a better available Molly player, when you can hit it straight at the keeper? Early on, their keeper must’ve sussed that once our strikers had the ball, their overriding instinct to shoot, leaving him with no surprises.
-Steve was high. On crack. PCP. Viagra. Whatever stimulated him to run around the pitch like an infected Rage victim, crashing into people, and giving away needless free-kicks in awkward places.
-The half-time team talk, was a huge telling off for our superstar glory-hunting forward line, as Jon told them to pass the ball to the better placed player (even if that was Nobby) and to stop complaining about being the last defender. And Steve, with tactical genius, suggested a flat back two to counter an opposition that knew not how to hold their positions properly when with the ball.
-And fuck, did all of that shit work. With Leo realising he couldn’t operate alongside Steve in defence, and only coming on in his place instead, the flat back two – zonal marking the left and right, whether Jon and Steve, or Leo and Nobby – managed to keep the opposition attackers quiet long enough for the front men to finally find the space around their keeper.
-With counter-attacking their high line, and winning more tackles and blocks, the Mollys finally managed to play to their strengths, quick but accurate passing out of the middle of the pitch into crucial danger areas, where better composure saw Nathan, Gareth, and Jon all post terrific goals to drag the team 5 consecutive goals back onto level terms.
-Matt was still having a phenomenal game, still having to work hard, but easily chalking up his best performance in ages.
-Even when the opposition pushed further away to 9-6, the Mollys again found another second wind, to claw their way back, with Jon scoring the now obligatory behind the half-way line pot-shot. Always amazing how an equalized 9-9 draw is better than a conceded one.
-And so the Mollys gifted Hank & Clive their only point of the season so far, but came away from the match reasonably satisfied that when we get it right, we can be devastating. But do we need a full twenty minutes to work out our mistakes?
-And so to the answers. 1) Today, with a brilliant vengeance that almost made up for the passing away of that beautiful beige fur. 2) Some bloke who can’t play for the team due to child-care commitments – damn Matt, why haven’t you announced him in a squad yet – he seems ideal for your selection policy. 3) Women aren’t gonna get naked if there aren’t any blokes to impress. 4) That’s just not funny.
Goal Scorers: Gareth 2, Jon 3, Nathan 3, Leo 1
Match Ratings: Matt 8, Steve 7, Leo 7, Jon 8, Gareth 8, Nathan 8, Nobby 8
MOTM: Nobby
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