Jon's Awards Of The Season Spring 2007

Due to an abhorrently pathetic response to my request for nominations for last season's players' poll (it wasn't like I was asking you to write a 10,000 word dissertation on thermonuclear dynamics, with the blood of your first born), Jon has claimed sole right to award the 'prizes'. At least it's still more worthy than the Brits.

Best Team Performance

10-10 vs Jason's Hemets. The 2nd half was footballing poetry.

Worst Team Performance

0-10 by default vs Almost England. Despite offers of ringers, a squad as big as we`ve ever had and at least 5 players able to play on the night, the game was shockingly conceded. The fans deserve more.

Best Individual Match Performance

Don vs Jason's Helmets. Who needs Rocky VI or Die Hard V. That was OAP action at its rawest

Best Non Match Performance

Leo's Brother (Ivan). Scorcese waited 30 years for his Oscar. Methinks, the Mollys match will gain all the awards at this year's ceremonies

Best New Player

Manon. Always available for a pass. Was he bumming Matt this season? Seemed to get preferential attention.

Most Improved Player

Robbie's Neighbour (Dean X). Don`t know his name. All I know I know is that he was better than the last Mr X incumbent

Most Indispensible Player

Matt. Formidable organisational skills. Unbeatable shot stopper. He`s also married to Uma Thurman and lives in a gold mansion on the moon

Special Mention/Highlight of the Season

The weekly soap opera that is team selection. Always good to arrive for the match not knowing if we have 4 players or 8. Honourable mention to the Injury List. At one stage 4 managers were laid up with various ailments