LOST 5-18
1.Matt (c) 4.Steve 8.Jon 9.Gareth 10.Nathan 11.Adam 12.Mark
Many thanks to Club Reporter for the following report:
Lame Ducks: Mollys Humiliated, Donald (Johnson) Distraught!!!
by Club Reporter
Turgid, amateurish, pathetic, emotionless, shit.......and that was just the warm up. The match was far worse. The Mollys' suffered a humiliating defeat 18-5 defeat at the hands of The Mighty Ducks; a team they had matched goal for goal in an enthralling 9-9 draw only 2 weeks earlier. The Mollys now find themselves rooted to the foot of Division 1 following their bizarre promotion, a move proving to be as controversial in the bars and pubs of Millbrook as that of the Premier League's decision not to dock the Hammers 10 points. Morale is at an all time low. News of Nobby's return from the Asian Sub-continent (the sub-continent itself, not a curry house) this week is the only bright spark on the horizon. His 12 touch, hard running, power game will be required if the Blues are to acheive any semblance of respectability from the remaining games this season.
The day started with the usual team selection shenanigans. Robbie dropped out, his mind on unimportant matters; namely the imminent arrival of his first child. Steve claimed Leo was at the Guildhall watching Spandau Ballet. A bizarre choice on his part following his previous week's goal orgy. 8:15 arrived with only 4 players available in the bar. Don had come in his shorts......at least that's what he claimed the stain was, and so was ready to step into the breach but was eventually surplus to requirements. Matt had forgotten the warm up ball and so it was a tentative squad that lined up for the 840 kick off.
To be fair to the Mighty Ducks, they played well. The keeper was in inspired form, saving at least 6 sure fire goals. The fat bald man (Kingpin?) pulled the strings in midfield and the pony tailed fop swept up at the back with calm assurance. The victory was deserved. Nevertheless, the first half Mollys performance was as bad as it has ever been. Jon's fitness levels rivalled that of a sloth's; observant critics claim it was his worst performance for several weeks. Awful. Gareth played far too deep and seemed off the pace, scoring only 4 peaches this week. Matt pulled off one of his spectacular arse saves; the resulting rebound proving to be the most accurate throw out of the evening. Even Don's support lacked clarity and focus; resorting at one stage to such lame and incoherent cries of "Shoot man! Ya canna do it cause your tongue tired!"
If anyone came out of the match with any credit it was Steve and Mark; the latter fast earning a deserved reputation as a Headless Chicken. Fresh from his holiday in the sun, Steve's tan gave him the look, if not the feel, of a toothless Yul Bryner. Despite some poor positional sense, his tireless running, good humour and motivational skills earned him deserved plaudits on the night. Mark is clearly a special player. Perhaps only the return of a chimera/centaur/griffin like creature consisting of the head of Mr X and body of Ben could dislodge him from the squad now.
The defeat was deserved, the scoreline, depressingly, wasn`t that flattering to the Ducks. If anything they should have scored more. Heads dropped at the end, though some positives can be gained from the first 10 minutes of the second half where the Mollys matched the Ducks. It's going to be a long hard season. Roll on relegation and a crack at the dross that we are used to playing against.
Ratings: Matt 4, Jon 4, Steve 6, Gareth 6, Mark 3, Adam 4, Nathan 5
Goals: Gareth 4, Nathan 1
MOTM: Steve
MOTM: Steve
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