2:6 Smoking Aces 3/9/09 8.30pm and 2:7 Itchen Beavers 10/9/09 7.00pm

vs Smoking Aces
LOST 16-7

vs Itchen Beavers
LOST 13-3
Leo, Steve, Alan, Rob, James

Skinner Productions Presents...

The Tournament - Pictorial Review 28/8/09 pt.1

I’m writing the first part of this Tournament report without the benefit or re-course to the video footage, and simply based on my re-collection (and imagination). I’m also dealing with my cut left thumb which in console gaming terms is the equivalent of an amputation; a general knackedness; and a bruised right leg that is limp-inducing. The photos can be clicked for a larger view.

Friday morning, and it was an early start for many of the squad. Steve won the prize for his 5am start to make it down to the Town Quay pick-up, where he would be joined by Matt, Alan, and honorary ‘Molly’ Alex, who’d successfully made it across from the Island on time, despite Matt’s best efforts not to remember to inform him of any details for the day.

They would make the short drive up to London Road, in the Service’s equivalent of the Millennium Falcon, a commandeered “what a heap of junk” minibus, where they were meeting up with Leo and Robbie, eating their bacon and sausage rolls, and drinking cheap-ass coffee. Robbie volunteered to take first shift on the stick, tasked with getting us to the Chiswick Ground in good time, with Matt, in the passenger seat, as navigator. How we didn’t end up driving into the Thames is a grateful mystery.

It had been hoped that Don may be able to squeeze a cheerleading trip into his busy retirement schedule of shopping and cooking, but instead we had to be our own support in the battle against other ‘Justice’ professionals.

Along the motorway up, there was the usual integrity bankrupt music oozing off the radio, and plenty of banter, taking in everything from a briefing of the actual rules of the tournament, to confirmation of the Island’s inbreeding programme. The X-Files theme tune also made its first of many appearances.

Steve’s sat-nav saw the good A.I. to lose it’s charge, just after we completed the easy part of getting off the motorway, and surprisingly there was no means of re-charging an electronic device, in a van with no air-con, no CD player, and enough foam ripped out of the seats to start your own Build-A-Bear workshop. It did reveal Steve’s sat-nav holder to have an Asian persuasion, but Matt remained focused enough to display sufficient map-reading skills to get us to the ground, but only after a scenic detour around a nearby lake, and a snoop at the posh Riverside spa and gym.

We arrived in good time with an hour and a half till our first match at 10:30am, which allowed us to get acclimatised with our surroundings, a good squizz at the pitches, the size of them, the size of the goals, the lack of noticeable grass, the windy conditions. But first a trip to the loos for an exorcism of the demon bowels. And this not being an American Pie movie, no footage of this pre-match ritual is available, despite the possibility of 2 Guys and A (Football) Cup.

Leo's Thumb Injury 28/8/09

Caused by the top of a spring water bottle

2:5 Vipers FC 27/8/09 8.30pm

LOST 8-5
Matt, Leo, Steve, Alan, Nathan, James, Rob

2:4 Traveller's Rest 20/8/09 7.45pm

LOST 15-3
Matt, Leo, Steve, Robbie, James, Alan, Dave

Countdown To Victory 28/8 pt.2

Slowly but surely, things are coming together on the organisational front. 7am pick-up from the seaside end of town, 7.30am pickup from the other end. Minibus to be car-jacked by "Ask The Boss" Alan. Sat-Nav to be provided by shipwreck Steve. Video equipment to be provided by Leo the leerer; and the cynicism to be provided by Robbie.

The new shirts have arrived, and to many's surprise they are actually tres cool. Long-sleeved retro look, with correct sizes, and no nipple-chaffing. Good work fellas. The squad has been formally announced with the hardcore five of Matt, Leo, Steve, Alan and Robbie being joined by ringer Alex, as a late substitute for the injured Rob, the rookie Dave, and the ineligible James.

There are still some things to be sorted with Steve set to spend the kitty money on a crate of water; Robbie waiting (forever) for the Goals team to email him back about the size of the pitches to compare with the size of the Tournament pitches; and Don to show up with his sponge, magic spray, and pom-poms; and the boys to decide at what point on the day they start drowning their sorrows or toasting their efforts, with alcohol.

The football and our ability to play it still remains the most important, but there are good signs of improvement, and the matches being only of five minutes per half in length, will actually suit The Mollys, if our recent second half performances have been anything to go by.

Robbie size's up his shirt - 'X-Tent'

Countdown To Victory 28/8 pt1.

Normally, I would expertly plan out what I write; conceive, revise and perfect my jokes; wiki double meanings; and keep my head glued to news channels for the latest topical guff. Instead I'm going to totally free-wheel this entry, literally making it up as I type, as we begin the countdown to The Molly Maguires greatest moment in their sporting history - a real live national tournament. All references to our employer and company will be excised to prevent any possible sacking, suffice to say I love my job, and my employer is a benevolent (see, not even going to check my spelling) overlord.

With Matt finally making copies of the itinery available, The Molly Maguires have been assigned to Group A, with the following first round fixtures:

10:30 vs. Sporting Abeergut (pitch 2)

11:15 vs. KP's Nuts (pitch 1)

12:00 vs. Semifinalists FC (pitch 2)

Depending on our standing after these group games, we either continue in the Tournament or go into the Shield:

Shield (for the bottom two teams):

13:45 vs. Group E team (pitch 1/2) Round 1

15:30 vs. ??? (pitch 1/2) Round 2

16:45 vs. ??? (pitch 5/6) QF

17:30 vs ??? (pitch 1/2) SF

18:00 vs. ??? (pitch 1) Final

Tournament:

14:30 vs. Group E team (pitch 1/2) Round 2

16:00 vs. ??? (pitch 1/2) Round 3

16:45 vs. ??? (pitch 1/2) QF

17:30 vs. ??? (pitch 3/4) SF

18:15 vs. ??? (pitch 4) Final

Anyone who's seen our team play, or worse still, actually played in it, will have little fear about needing to set Sky+ for any tv programme after 4pm, allowing time for the dejected drive home in a dodgy minibus.

Whilst Matt has done a primo job getting our team registered for this tournament, and secured funding for shirts, and entry fee, there is still this organisational chaos that prevades our preparations. And whilst Steve may fret about ensuring we all wear the same coloured socks, and Matt can't actually be bothered to check the package of shirts that arrived at the office, is indeed the blue shirts, with white flash, and not some bondage gear (Dodgeball reference, movie fans), some of us continue to be worried about a sense of football being the real failure.

Our last game highlighted our frailties once more - the main central problem, of which we are all guilty, is our lack of disciplined positional sense. Following the ball around with disregard for the opposition around us; our quite baffling attempts at shooting, whentheir defenders were right in front of us, our lack of tackling (seriously, if Steve needs to shout "Why are we not getting at 'em?" one more time, and therefore it follows, I have to hear him shout it, then I will conceivably top myself), our lack of picking up properly.

Hopefully a bigger pitch will give us a better discipline not to run around stupidly, to make telling passes count, and to operate in a better team spirit, because at the moment it feels like every posey bastard for themselves.

Still, can't wait.

2:3 Leggers 13/8/09 7.00pm

LOST 12-1
Matt, Leo, Steve, Alan, James, David, Rob

2:2 Unassigned 6/8/09 8.30pm

WON 10-0

By default