19/12/07 9:15pm
WON 10-0
By default
Monday, 24 December 2007
Wednesday, 12 December 2007
Match 4 Season 4 vs. Hank & Clive
12/12/07 8:30pm
Leo, Nobby, Steve, Dean, Gareth, Nathan
WON 11-5
Scorers: Nathan 4, Gareth 6, Dean 1
Match Ratings: Leo 9, Nobby 9, Steve 9, Dean 9, Gareth 9, Nathan 9
I've started writing this report on Christmas Eve whilst at the office, waiting for the last two hours of my working day to trundle on by. Obviously I'm just typing this up on a work computer and then cutting and pasting onto the blog. I've decided to go free flow on this report. Normally, I make notes before I write reports. Normally, I think up jokes or topical events, jot them down, and then make a list of poignant facts about the game to merge it into one glorious whole. Like stuffing a turkey with mashed up Christmas pudding.
It's been almost two weeks now since this match was actually played. A match against Hank & Clive - a team that had so convincingly pissed on our yuletide log fire last time out, that a repeat offender performance was very likely, nay expected. Without the gaffer's stalwart goalkeeping skills available, Leo would again don the keeper gloves, with a less boastful resolution to do a better job than last time, and without wild predictions of keeping clean sheets - bet even Gok Wan's forever changing his dirty ass-ridden sheets.
The outfield had a calm symmetry about it - Steve, Nobby and Dean providing much needed graft to Gareth and Nathan's craft, but with the capacity to alternate between attack and defence, like Doherty between court and rehab. But without tight discipline and effective man management we were gonna suffer again. Despite an encouraging team performance the previous week (with newest rookie Alex making a worthwhile debut) against the speccy wearing twat and his Potter-like magical skills, we'd have to go some to outdo that performance with some spirited pass and move, one touch directness and some godspeed.
With some delight, it was announced we'd be playing on one of the new side-ways scrolling pitches for the first time, all velvety carpetting, none rounded corners, little few black stones. The kind of pitch you could just snuggle into and rub yourself to sleep with. Whilst the dispute will rage on about whether the pitch was larger and the goals were smaller, I think both were true. From a goalkeeper's perspective, it just appeared that the edge of the pitch was an extra half mile from the D, and the overlapping running that saw many of Mollys careening down the wings like a threadbare Zonda, could only have been possible with the space afforded by the generous walls. Either that or the opposition were rank.
Ah, the opposition. My theory is this: Hank and Clive are a gay couple who adopt young ASBO tearaways. A community club like the Red-Hand Gang, or those Why Don't You? shits. Tearaways who can't all afford to be decked out in the team's new black sheen and red piping number; street corner loiterers who only have a white or red shirt in their knapsack on a stick. So the 21st Century's answer to Pippa and her husband who got killed off, bring them to Goals for a kickabout team-bonding value of learning evening. Hence why the opposition never quite seem to be the exact same, and why they appear to have a Youth Offending Team's caseload worth of subs and supporters.
The message and mission was extremely clear. If we don't concede three goals in the first three minutes, in less time it takes to play a Napalm Death song, on repeat, we'd have a chance of winning. Soak up the early pressure like a sponge, then throw that pressure back at them, like a wet sponge. Defend from the front, sharp one touch passing, stick and move like Cassius Clay, local produce, freshly seasoned, simple, delicious. Done.
Thankfully this was no 8-0 whitewash, no 24-10 devastation. We didn’t get belted by lashings of chubby rain, we didn’t get bitch-slapped into submission. Leo didn’t pull his thigh muscles in the warm-up, Nathan had a mirror-image strike partner to reflect off, there was defensive discipline and we rarely played ourselves into danger with over-complicated running and not moving the ball on quick enough.
Wow, this match report has been abandoned.
Leo, Nobby, Steve, Dean, Gareth, Nathan
WON 11-5
Scorers: Nathan 4, Gareth 6, Dean 1
Match Ratings: Leo 9, Nobby 9, Steve 9, Dean 9, Gareth 9, Nathan 9
I've started writing this report on Christmas Eve whilst at the office, waiting for the last two hours of my working day to trundle on by. Obviously I'm just typing this up on a work computer and then cutting and pasting onto the blog. I've decided to go free flow on this report. Normally, I make notes before I write reports. Normally, I think up jokes or topical events, jot them down, and then make a list of poignant facts about the game to merge it into one glorious whole. Like stuffing a turkey with mashed up Christmas pudding.
It's been almost two weeks now since this match was actually played. A match against Hank & Clive - a team that had so convincingly pissed on our yuletide log fire last time out, that a repeat offender performance was very likely, nay expected. Without the gaffer's stalwart goalkeeping skills available, Leo would again don the keeper gloves, with a less boastful resolution to do a better job than last time, and without wild predictions of keeping clean sheets - bet even Gok Wan's forever changing his dirty ass-ridden sheets.
The outfield had a calm symmetry about it - Steve, Nobby and Dean providing much needed graft to Gareth and Nathan's craft, but with the capacity to alternate between attack and defence, like Doherty between court and rehab. But without tight discipline and effective man management we were gonna suffer again. Despite an encouraging team performance the previous week (with newest rookie Alex making a worthwhile debut) against the speccy wearing twat and his Potter-like magical skills, we'd have to go some to outdo that performance with some spirited pass and move, one touch directness and some godspeed.
With some delight, it was announced we'd be playing on one of the new side-ways scrolling pitches for the first time, all velvety carpetting, none rounded corners, little few black stones. The kind of pitch you could just snuggle into and rub yourself to sleep with. Whilst the dispute will rage on about whether the pitch was larger and the goals were smaller, I think both were true. From a goalkeeper's perspective, it just appeared that the edge of the pitch was an extra half mile from the D, and the overlapping running that saw many of Mollys careening down the wings like a threadbare Zonda, could only have been possible with the space afforded by the generous walls. Either that or the opposition were rank.
Ah, the opposition. My theory is this: Hank and Clive are a gay couple who adopt young ASBO tearaways. A community club like the Red-Hand Gang, or those Why Don't You? shits. Tearaways who can't all afford to be decked out in the team's new black sheen and red piping number; street corner loiterers who only have a white or red shirt in their knapsack on a stick. So the 21st Century's answer to Pippa and her husband who got killed off, bring them to Goals for a kickabout team-bonding value of learning evening. Hence why the opposition never quite seem to be the exact same, and why they appear to have a Youth Offending Team's caseload worth of subs and supporters.
The message and mission was extremely clear. If we don't concede three goals in the first three minutes, in less time it takes to play a Napalm Death song, on repeat, we'd have a chance of winning. Soak up the early pressure like a sponge, then throw that pressure back at them, like a wet sponge. Defend from the front, sharp one touch passing, stick and move like Cassius Clay, local produce, freshly seasoned, simple, delicious. Done.
Thankfully this was no 8-0 whitewash, no 24-10 devastation. We didn’t get belted by lashings of chubby rain, we didn’t get bitch-slapped into submission. Leo didn’t pull his thigh muscles in the warm-up, Nathan had a mirror-image strike partner to reflect off, there was defensive discipline and we rarely played ourselves into danger with over-complicated running and not moving the ball on quick enough.
Wow, this match report has been abandoned.
Thursday, 6 December 2007
Match 3 Season 4 vs.Our Soles
5/12/07 7:45pm
Matt, Steve, Leo, Gareth, Nathan, Michael, Alex, (Dean)
LOST 10-13
Scorers: Gareth 4, Nathan 5, Michael 1
Ratings: Matt 6, Steve 7, Leo 7, Gareth 7, Nathan 7, Michael 7, Alex 7
Matt, Steve, Leo, Gareth, Nathan, Michael, Alex, (Dean)
LOST 10-13
Scorers: Gareth 4, Nathan 5, Michael 1
Ratings: Matt 6, Steve 7, Leo 7, Gareth 7, Nathan 7, Michael 7, Alex 7
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